Friday, July 16, 2010

July 16, 2010

I seem to be slowing down,
In all kinds of ways.
Ive been typing and hand writing
very slow lately, when Im usually
quite fast. I cant do any simple math.
I cant think anything fast.
Ive been fighting with my reality
a lot over the past couple days.
Perhaps Im too understimulated.


I dont percieve anything
as exturnal,
its all internal.

No connections

Im starting to consider anti deppessants

or medical

I go out into
the world (leave my
room) and things become
unique and unpredictable.
As soon as I come back,
and sit in this chair, Im
right back where I started
and I go through the same cycle
of websites, tv channels, and
seeing whats new with people on
AIM. This is true if Im gone
for several hours, over a day,
or even for 30 seconds.

When I watch myself
in the mirror, iM hard to recognize.

I feel
like nothing more that a pair
of floating eyeballs.

Friday, June 11, 2010

June 11, 2010

The edges are blurred
between fantasy and reality
between time and my mind
between outcasts and society

The melting pot has been stirred
we are all, we are one
personal identity is erased
conformity has won

We exist right now, and then
we continue until the end
individuals living puzzle piece lives
one piece missing, cannot mend

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

May 19, 2010

i live inside my own head too much. spending so much time online has isolated my social development.
it needs to start to change, i cannot interact through a screen out in the world, and face to face communication is the most
important factor in my recovery.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

May 17, 2010

The good + The bad X 2 = The Facts of Life


Schizophrenia is always an option

May 16, 2010

I've been having doubts lately.
About things I say, advice I give.
Actions I take, who I take them with.
Where I am, where I'm going.

I guess all I can do is trust in myself, educate myself, stay true to myself.

I even doubt that.